Thursday, September 01, 2005

A bit of a meme ...

I've learned to knit when I was 5 or so (nor me nor my mom remember exactly when). I loved being creative and I was somehow special. My whole yought (ok, I'm not that old yet) I was some sort of outcast, like things others didn't. I didn't have many friends. Well, not many true friends. A lot of girls - till I was 16 I went to all girls schools - liked having me around as I was easy to use, I was easy to manipulate and would do everything for them. Still have that problem. But I didn't have many true friends. I wasn't asked to many birthday-parties (most of the ones I remember my whole class was asked as I was in a small class) and during holidays I didn't go playing with other kids. I didn't know any of the kids of the neighboorhood, my sisters and I even got teased by the other kids. We went to school in the next little town as that was were my grandparents lived, and there was a great rivalty between these 2 little towns. My sisters played together all the time - they still are best friends and do most things together - so often I ended up alone.

That brings me back to knitting. I saw my mother knit a lot, as it was the mid 80's and knitting was popular over here then. And of course I wanted to learn all the stuff she did. She also learned me how to crochet and sew during that period. In elementary school these crafts - knitting, crocheting, cross stitch - were part of the schools curriculum and so I did quite a bit of it. I don't think I ever moved past the regular casting on, knitting and purling and binding off. When I was 11 I made kind of a puppet in school but I don't even remember how I did it. I loved all these crafts and occasionally picked them up again, but the only thing I can remember is a scarf I once started but never finished.

Through the years after I did all kinds of crafts, started writing letters and read a ton of books. Not much changed in my friends status, though I did get severely sacked by a few people and lost most of my trust. I got really involved in the Internet, made some great friends online and started to see that my huge love for crafts/arts wasn't strange at all.

About 3 years ago I started riding at the riding school again, and about a year later I got to involved to be good for me. 6 months later I bought my horse, and slowly I was having more social contacts then I could handle. I was working but didn't like my job and I was facing the horrid divorce of my parents with a father that was ruining my life. I couldn't handle my life anymore and about a year ago I started going back to all those beloved crafts I had neglected for years.

Through the Internet I got in touch with knitting again (I don't even remember how exactly!) and in a short while it's grown into a true addiction. I've gathered a ton of materials and had to get my own knitting room, but I'm loving it! I'm spending more and more time at home again, trying to avoid human contact (well, at least to much of it) and I'm feeling way better now.

Of course, after all these years my family still doen't support or appreciate any of my loves. They think both my art and my knitting are a wast of time and money. The decission I recently made of knitting mostly stuff for myself from now on was easily made, as I don't like knitting ofr people who don't appreciate it. Now I will be knitting a few things for my family for Christmas. I'm going to knit my grandfather a cardigan I know he'll wear and appreciate. I'm going to knit my grandmother a scarf I hope she'll wear. My aunt asked for a pair of thick socks/slippers to wear around the house during the Winter so I'm going to knit her a pair of felted slippers. I might knit something for my mom, but I'm not sure yet. I like the knitting and will do it, but all the other stuff will be for me. I would have bigger pleasure out of knitting for others as I still live to please others, but knowing how little they appreciate it I'm no longer doing it.

I don't know what this post was meant for, I just wanted to write it down .